


What We Could've Been

by muscatmusic18



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Wound Imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 13:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11059770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muscatmusic18/pseuds/muscatmusic18
Summary: Why didn't Daniel ever call Peggy back?





	What We Could've Been

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JustAnotherGhostwriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherGhostwriter/gifts).



> Oh my I hope this was good enough!! I wasn't sure about this one, especially when it came to answering the prompt, but I think it went okay!
> 
> Thanks to sohellaginger for betaing this at the last minute! You're amazing!

Shopping: the bane of a bachelor’s existence.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the palm leaves were gently swaying in the light spring breeze, and yet Daniel Sousa was running errands.

First, it was off to the furniture store to buy some flatware (he was tired of eating with two spoons and three forks). Then, it was to the butcher’s to purchase some prime meat (he deserved a good meal, after spending hours teaching a bunch of greenhorns how to actually put the files away, and not leave them on the filing cabinets). Finally, to the grocery store, so he could eat something other than take-out.

Daniel grabbed a cart, ignoring the stares from the housewives as he gathered up his crutch and used the cart for stability. He was used to it by now; everyone stared, except for one… no, that didn’t matter. She was the past now.

Slowly, he collected some staples, and then the ingredients he could use in the recipes his mother passed down to him. They never turned out as good as when his mom made them, but the taste still reminded him of home. As he got to the checkout, it was apparent that Friday evenings were a popular time to go shopping, as there was a line of at least three carts at each station, so he just picked the nearest one and waited.

Debating what his dinner was going to be tonight, a flash of something in the corner of his eye caught his attention, something so familiar it was impossible to ignore: a glimpse of brown curls.

He jerked his head around, hard enough to give him whiplash, but the figure to his right was so familiar, the way her shoulders set in a determined pose and the way the soft brown curls flowed around them. The way her waist pinched in and her hips flared out, and the white blouse tucked into the navy blue pants, it was all her. He knew, he just knew, that if she turned around, there would be the signature red lips curved into a gracious smile, and sparkling brown eyes and the British accent washing over him, asking him how he’s been...

~~~~~~~~~

_He knew there was a new agent coming in today, and he’d heard rumors that it was a woman, which pissed off some of the men to no end, but Daniel wasn’t quite expecting_ her.

_The moment her heels clicked into the bullpen, he was enraptured, whether or not he wanted to be. Other men jeered, snickered, or rolled their eyes at the lady agent, but not him. He was frozen, not able to do anything but track her movements from the elevator to Dooley’s office, watching the determination in her stride, the confidence in her shoulders, and the strength in her being._

_Dooley stepped out of the office before she could knock, standing so close she had to take a step back. If it startled her, she didn’t let on, even when Dooley looked her up and down, like he was deciding whether she would last an hour or a day._

_“Carter?” he barked, something akin to disgust in his eyes, and she nodded, her gaze never wavering from his. If Daniel wasn’t impressed before, now he was. When the Chief was mad, most men could barely look him in the eye. Apparently it took a woman for Dooley to meet his match._

_“You’re early.” Sounding mildly impressed, Dooley’s face softened before he caught himself and it hardened again._

_“Would you rather I be late, sir?” The British accent knocked Daniel back, as did the sass and sarcasm dripping from her words, but all it really did was make him fall for her more._

_Dooley scoffed. “Are you sassing me already, Carter?”_

_“Not at all; just asking a question.”_

_Dooley nodded and pointed in Daniel’s direction. “Put your stuff on the desk behind Sousa, and then I’ll introduce you to everyone.” The Chief muttered something under his breath, but the woman, Carter, obviously heard the remark and rolled her eyes. But she ignored it and turned on her heel, heading directly towards him._

_Shit, what was he going to do? He still couldn’t move, much less form coherent words, and he was going to be expected to do so in about fifteen seconds._

_Okay, she walked fast. Now he only had about five seconds to pull himself together._

_As she strode past him towards her desk, Daniel found himself able to move again, so he closed the file in front of him, organized a couple of papers - couldn’t make it look like he was dying to talk to her - and turned around, wheeling his chair over to what was now her desk._

_Carter looked up at him, seemingly surprised that someone wanted to talk to her. He smiled nervously. “Hey.”_

__Wow Sousa, real original, _thought Daniel._ No girl has ever heard the line ‘hey’ before. And is that the way you greet a new colleague? God, she’s gonna think you’re an idiot now.

_But Carter smiled at him, and not in a mocking way. “Hello.”_

_Daniel extended his hand to her. “I’m Daniel Sousa.” Atta boy, that was better._

_She shook his hand with an astonishingly firm grip. “Peggy Carter.”_

_“Pleasure to meet you.”_

_She smiled again, and his stomach did a little flip that was difficult to ignore. “Pleasure’s all mine.”_

_“So, are you new to the SSR?” Wow, he was getting good at this conversation thing._

_“No, I’m just transferring. I worked on a-” Peggy paused, looking down and clearing her throat before continuing, “-a project during the war, with the SSR.”_

_He didn’t miss the pain in her voice when she mentioned the project, and he briefly wondered if he shouldn’t press her on it, but everyone had pain when it came to the war. Maybe talking would help. “Which project?”_

_“Project Rebirth.” Her voice was quiet, and although she was looking at him, her gaze was a million miles away; perhaps, Daniel realized with a shock, on a frozen ocean, looking for a lost plane._

_He didn't realize their new woman agent was her._

_He’d, of course, heard the rumors; that she was a whore who’d slept with Captain America just to climb her way up the ranks. But the pain in her eyes and the tenderness in her voice made it seem like a lot more than just a casual relationship with the Captain._

_Then she inhaled, and her eyes refocused on him and she smiled, hiding the agony that cut so deep. “I trained the candidates of the program.”_

_Now that wasn’t part of the rumors. “You trained Captain America?”_

_“Yes, I suppose I did. But he wasn't Captain America, then. He was just a small man from Brooklyn,” she laughed, a blush tinging her cheeks._

_“Why are you working here, then?” he asked, a smile growing. “With an honor like that, you should be working in the top branches of the CIA, not a little, hidden office of the SSR.”_

_Peggy gave a mirthless smile. “No one wants a woman as an agent. I was lucky enough to get the position I had, but now that the war’s over, I don't know how long this transfer will last.”_

_“Oh.” Of course that was the reason, why didn’t he realize that earlier? “If it counts for anything, I’m sorry. And I get it, too-” he tapped on his prosthetic, “-no one thinks I can do anything anymore. They all think I'm made of glass; like I'll break any moment.”_

_Her eyebrows drew together in confusion, but then she saw the crutch leaning against his desk, and her eyes widened. “I didn’t realize you lost a leg.”_

_Daniel cringed. He hoped her reaction would be different, but he saw how she looked at him now, so he just waited for the inevitable sympathy and pity as she related the words ‘cripple’ and ‘fragile’._

_Instead, her lips twisted into a lopsided smile and she leaned forward against the desk, looking him dead in the eyes._

_“I guess us ‘weak links’ will have to shore up and show this office who's really in charge.”_

_He laughed, and she did too. And when he looked at her again, he realized he gained something much more than a simple infatuation. For the first time since he'd started, he'd gained a true friend at the office._

~~~~~~~~~

Daniel started. He was back in the California grocery store, not in New York, and Peggy wasn't chatting with him, but walking through the doors of the grocery store, about to disappear forever.

He’d thought he was over her, that if he moved out to California he would forget all about her and be able to move on with his life.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

He needed her wit, her warmth, her humor, her everything in his life. He needed to wake up to her every morning, and she needed to be the last thing he saw when he fell asleep every night, how could he have ever thought differently? Why didn't he try to ask her out again, why did he just give up?

Daniel picked up his crutch and followed the brunette out of the store, refusing to let her get away this time. If it was her, if she was back in his life, she was here to stay.

He called her name, but she didn't hear, so he moved faster. Just as she got to her car, he caught up with her and touched her arm, expecting his heart to burst with joy…

Instead it fell.

It wasn’t her. Those sparkling brown eyes were blue and the shape of her nose was wrong, and now that he really looked, her hair was a shade too light and this woman was too short to be Peggy.

“Sorry, ma’am,” he mumbled, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice. The woman reassured him and gave him a sympathetic smile before getting in her car and driving away forever.

Just like he’d done to Peggy.

Daniel remembered that he had groceries inside, but given that the staff had probably put them back by now, he walked away from the store, to where he didn’t know. Besides, he wanted to be alone.

He passed throngs of people with each block, each one as unique as the last, but then he passed a woman standing with her friend, pointing to something in a window, but none of that mattered. What mattered was the nail polish on her fingers -- bright, bold red, just like Peggy’s…

~~~~~~~~~

_“Why do you wear the red nail polish?”_

_They were working the overnight shift together, and she’d arrived favoring her left leg. When he pressed her about it, she caved and lifted the hem of her skirt to show him the four-inch long gash running along the inside of her thigh to her knee, haphazardly bandaged. He questioned her, but she wouldn’t give up any details, so he just went and got the first aid kit and prepared to sew it shut. He’d watched Peggy dig her nails into the desk she was sitting on as he made the first stitch, so he asked her about the color, hoping to distract her._

_She inhaled sharply, her voice strained. “I don’t really know. I guess it’s because I feel empowered when I wear it; like it’s armor. It’s why I wear everything I wear; the makeup, the nice dresses, and pantsuits. It makes me feel like there’s another layer between all the judgment I receive and my feelings. I don’t get hurt as easily when I have all of this on.”_

_“Really?” he asked, tying off another stitch. He’d never thought of it that way._

_Peggy nodded and made an affirmative noise. “I guess you’ve never had to think about stuff like that.”_

_Daniel shook his head. “Makeup and nail polish? No. I mean, I’ve practiced doing simple tasks with the new leg, so it’s not as awkward when I’m in public, but that’s not quite the same thing.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Kneeling, so I can pick up something for someone. Reaching up, so I can reach the top shelf at the store. It makes me feel like people don’t stare at me as often if I can do physical things easily.”_

_She was silent for a moment, and then he felt her toes curl against his thigh as she let out a little pained gasp. He stroked her opposite knee in comfort, and she smiled at him before speaking again. “I think that’s the exact same mindset as I have when I apply my lipstick. It's another chink in the armor, another way to feel more comfortable in public.”_

_“That sounds about right.” He wet his handkerchief with rubbing alcohol and gazed up at her. “Ready for it?”_

_She nodded, holding her breath as he pressed it to the raw gash. Noticing how close to infection it looked, he held the fabric underneath and poured the liquid straight onto the wound, her little whimper fracturing his heart, and he couldn’t help the little ‘sorry’ he uttered._

_He cleaned the gash once more before leaning back in his chair. Screwing the cap back onto the bottle, he smiled. “You’re done.”_

_She murmured thanks, eyes drifting closed from exhaustion. Now he noticed the sheen of sweat at her temples. He’d almost forgot how much getting stitched up hurt._

_Daniel stood and helped her off of the desk, easing her into a chair and then sitting to the side of her. Peggy opened her eyes, chuckling lightly before resting her hand on his arm, squeezing gently as her eyes drifted closed again._

_“You and I are very much alike. Not just personality-wise, but the way we handle this situation we've been thrown into.”_

_“You mean getting cut up and then refusing to tell your friend about it?” He’d meant it as a joke, but he didn’t miss the way she flinched._

_“No. I mean putting up defenses in order to fight for basic respect every day.” She opened her eyes and turned her head to gaze at him again. “I'm glad I've met you, Daniel.”_

_He smiled and enjoyed the way his name sounded coming from her. “I'm glad I met you too, Peg.”_

~~~~~~~~~

Daniel was almost knocked over when someone bumped into his shoulder, reminding him to cross the road he’d come to instead of just standing there, reminiscing on happier times.

Had they really missed their window? That was Daniel’s excuse to leave New York; that they had tried, but everything got in their way, and their chance was gone, but was it really?

Her shooting him down for drinks answered that question, or so he thought… Peggy had said she had other plans, which was usually a clear cut ‘I’m not interested’, but she had acted overly flirty with him afterward, and now that he was out here, she’d kept her word and called, multiple times.

His stroll came to a hard stop as he put everything together for the first time, realizing what had happened back in New York, realizing that it truly wasn’t her, but him. She tried to patch things up and try again, and he’d densely ignored everything, too focused on his own hurt feelings to notice her...

Shit.

A woman passed him on the street, her British accent just as strong as Peggy’s on the day he’d left her, and another wave of memories washed over him....

~~~~~~~~~

_“Where in England did you grow up?”_

_“Just outside of London.” She grabbed his arm as they walked over a patch of ice. “My family had a house with a yard for my brother and me, but it was only a twenty-minute bus ride to downtown.”_

_His crutch started to slide on another ice patch, but she grabbed onto him tighter before he could fall. Damn New York winters._

_Daniel cleared his throat, trying to shake off the embarrassment from having to have help walking over ice. “And where did you learn to do such a flawless American accent?”_

_She laughed. “In the S.O.E. We were taught to hide in plain sight, and sometimes the best way to avoid being caught was by playing a ditzy American girl.” Peggy glanced up at him. “No offense.”_

_“None taken,” he chortled. “As long as you never play dumb around me. I know you’re a lot smarter than that.”_

_He saw her cheeks redden, and not from the cold, and the small smile playing on her lips warmed his heart more than any fire ever could. But before anything else could happen, her heel caught on the ice wrong, and she started to fall. Luckily for her, his crutch was planted on a dry spot, and Daniel managed to grab her waist before she hit the pavement, pulling her close to his chest._

_They froze, realizing the proximity of their bodies, and more importantly their breath mingling. He watched as Peggy’s gaze flickered down to his mouth, and for a moment he allowed himself to do so as well, taking in the lines and the curves of the lips he so dearly wanted to taste._

_She looked away first, glancing somewhere off to the side, and the spell was broken. He helped her stand so that their chests weren't pressed together, but her hands still gripped his jacket._

_“Thanks,” she murmured, her accent somehow even thicker than before, and he was pretty sure her voice was huskier now._

_He could only nod in reply, as he didn't trust his voice to not come out as thick as hers just did. She released his jacket, smoothing out the wrinkles she'd made before moving to stand by his side once again. Daniel offered his arm to her, partly so neither party would fall, and partly because he was so desperate for contact with her again. When she took it, his heart leaped, just like every time._

~~~~~~~~~

Daniel found himself on the pier, although he didn't remember the walk there. Too caught up in memories, he guessed.

He sat down on a nearby bench and watched everything go by. Things were starting to pick up, unsurprisingly since it was a Friday evening, and all the people started to blur together. Every woman became a brunette, every pair of lips became red, and every pair of eyes had a mischievous glint in them that made you wonder just what was going to happen next.

Looking to the water, he thought back to New York, back to Peggy. Maybe she was doing the same thing as he was now; looking out over the Brooklyn Bridge, wondering what happened, where it all went wrong.

Tears threatened to form, so Daniel looked back to the crowd, hoping to find a distraction, but the first thing he was a blonde woman with bright red lipstick on, almost the exact shade as Peggy’s…

~~~~~~~~~

_He was in the filing room, putting away some of the paperwork that had cluttered his desk in the recent weeks. Since he was transferring out to California to become the Chief of their office, he wouldn't be needing any of the New York cases._

_The sound of heels on hardwood floors startled him from his thoughts, and Daniel turned around to see Peggy standing in the doorway._

_“Hey,” he said, setting down one of the files he'd been holding._

_She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. “Hey.”_

_He cleared his throat and gestured to the stack of files on the table. “I've just been putting away some of my stuff. I wanted to leave it all for Thompson to do, but-” he met her gaze again, “-I figured he'd just pawn it off for you to do.”_

_She nodded. “You're probably right.”_

_He didn't know what to say. It was all happening so fast, they didn't really have a chance to talk, about anything, really. Looking at his shoes, he tried to think of something witty to say, something to match her sense of humor, but before anything came to mind, there was a hand on his jaw and a pair of lips on his. Her lips._

_Daniel froze, too shocked to do anything until she shifted, and suddenly he was fully aware that Peggy Carter was pressed against him, touching him, kissing him. His hands came to her waist, pulling her closer to him and responding to her, thinking he was in pure heaven until she opened her mouth and deepen the kiss, and then he knew what true bliss was._

_One of his hands found her hair, relishing in the feeling of the fine curls against his palm as she wrapped her arms around his neck and then they were closer than he ever thought possible, kissing with a heat capable of starting a fire._

_Unfortunately, air was something they needed, and they both pulled away, chests heaving against each other. He rested his forehead on her and her hands came to rest on the sides of his neck, thumbs stroking his jawline._

_Daniel opened his eyes to see her looking at him, lipstick smudged and hair mussed, and he realized he'd never seen anything as beautiful._

_Before he could voice his thoughts, she spoke. “I just thought you should know.”_

_She softly kissed the corner of his mouth, and then turned and stepped out of the room._

~~~~~~~~~

By the time Daniel relived his kiss with her for the tenth time, he was almost to his car. He had to get home so he could call her, so he could apologize and make amends and so that maybe, just maybe, something new could start.

He drove like a madman, desperate to get home. It was almost ten at night in New York, but he knew she would still be awake. She had to be, he needed to fix this.

Cursing his keys for being stubborn, he finally got the door to his apartment opened and barged in, barely remembering to shut it behind him. He stumbled to his phone, ready to pick up the receiver and demand that the operator connects him to New York, but then a wave of doubt washed over.

Would Peggy want to talk to him? It was his fault, after all. They could have gotten somewhere, they could be going steady by now if he hadn’t been so stupid. If he could have read between the lines of their kiss, if he had asked her to come out to California, or even if he’d just stayed, he and Peggy could be an item by now.

Instead he left, leaving her all by herself in an office where they fought every day to be respected. Leaving her to fend for herself, which she could do with no problem, but he’d still left her out in the cold with no support.

Daniel sighed, slipping his hand off of the receiver and shuffling over to the couch. She wouldn’t want to hear from him. Might as well not bother her.

Maybe he should call that nice P.T. nurse. She’d been flirting with him lately, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t returned it. If anything else, it would let him move on from Peggy, that way she could move on too. She deserved that.

Yeah, that’s what he’d do. He’d call Violet in the morning.


End file.
